dove call

Carpe Diem Theme Week (6) 3 The knowledge of Jane


in bleakness
behind drawn curtains
dove coos
from the shade tree
fly, fly, fly . .

© petra domina

Well, that has been rewritten about 15 times.  Words can be changed so it is not solid.  What do you think?  What feeling, vision, taste, etc came to mind as you read the tanka?  I am looking to my Kai to help me improve.  Thanks to each of you.  Sending good thoughts into the universe for sweet Jane who shared so freely.


Thanks to Chèvrefeuille for daily prompts on 

CARPE DIEM HAIKU KAI

Comments

  1. Yamini MacLeanAugust 9, 2016 at 4:30 PM

    Hari OM
    Wistfulness, spirit freed... YAM xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JaniceAugust 9, 2016 at 5:10 PM

      Good evening, YAM
      those are in there for sure. janice xx

      Delete
  2. Forest BatherAugust 10, 2016 at 12:08 PM

    Great you chose a tanka, I find tanka interesting. The bleakness of the first few lines was really good reading, and I got the idea of the tanka, which I enjoyed very much. The last line was clever, and the rhythm of that line still takes some getting used to, in that I could not quite get the mood of it. A very fine tanks overall.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JaniceAugust 10, 2016 at 7:52 PM

      Well, what was in my mind in the last line was how the dove had cooed three times to encourage the person to come out of the bleakness. Maybe an explanation point would have emphasized that feeling better. Thanks for your helpful comment.

      Delete
  3. JaniceAugust 12, 2016 at 12:16 PM

    Thanks for the input. I'll do a rewrite to see if I can get it to flow with the thought.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

waiting for autumn

Image
Carpe Diem #1227 waiting for autumn (Aki tikashi, Aki wo matsu) in the summer heat perching black birds pant waiting for autumn ©   petra domina Thanks to Chèvrefeuille for daily prompts on  CARPE DIEM HAIKU KAI
Read more

neighborhood of colors

Image
Carpe Diem #1263 neighborhood of colors After living for many decades in locations a little too monochrome in their occupants, I am pleased to be living in an apartment complex populated by a wide spectrum of colors and tones.  What joy to look up while on a walk to see someone who looks nothing like a 70 year old white woman.  To see the young mother in her hijab walking with her children.  To hear the rhythm of a different language floating across the pool.  To see the sun set profiling the gay couple as they embrace.  Yes, I am loving this neighborhood of colors. jewels glisten at sunset ©    petra domina Thanks to Chèvrefeuille for daily prompts on CARPE DIEM HAIKU KAI  
Read more

new ways

Carpe Diem Writing and Enjoying Haiku #6 new ways T his has been the year when Hubby and I along with a whole bunch of other folks celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary . We actually started the celebration back at the end of June, our actual 'date'.  It continued with a trip to France. Returning home we began working on The Party that was delayed till the grandsons returned from a summer in Canada. As we have friends our own ages, they, too, are celebrating 50 years.  That means more trips.  Unexpected strength of hurricane Harvey resulted in Hubby and I choosing to downsize even more.  And how do two people stay together for 50 years of marriage?  Well, forgiveness, understanding and a willingness to step together into the unknown of new ways. fifty years with the same man always something new keeps me guessing what's next? © petra domina Thanks to Chèvrefeuille for daily prompts on CARPE DIEM HAIKU KAI   ...
Read more